Friday, July 23, 2010

The problem with kids...

For those of you who know me, you know that I am a mother of one amazing little boy. I only have one child for a few reasons:

1. I am turning 40 this year and for me personally, I feel I'm too old to start all over again with a new baby. (I know this may not be how everyone feels and I don't mean any offence to anyone reading this... it's a very personal decision for everyone.)

2. I honestly don't think I have the patience to raise more than 1 child.

and my most important reason...

3. I truly can't fathom feeling the same way about a second child as I do about my first. He is my world... my everything. He's what I think about first thing in the morning and as I close my eyes at night. I knew from the moment I saw him on my first ultrasound that I loved him to pieces. The first time I felt him move inside me was the most incredible feeling ever. I remember constantly rubbing my belly and talking to this little one inside like we were already best friends. The moment he was born my entire life took on new meaning. Each and every day I look at him with wonder and amazement. So, I wonder... how could you possibly feel this way about a second child???? I know, I know... all of my friends have told me that it just happens. That as soon as the second child enters the world, all of these same feelings start to take shape. But for me personally, I just can't even imagine it happening. Again, I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment, I'm just telling you how things are for me.

So, this leads me to the real point of this post...

This past Tuesday, my little wonder had a sleepover at his little buddy's house. Now this may not seem like a big deal, but for me it was HUGE. Little E has had sleepovers before but always at his "Auntie Claudia's" house. He has known Auntie Claudia since the day he was born. She has a daughter 5 months younger and the 2 have grown up together. Her daughter has spent lots of nights at our house and it was Auntie Claudia who took care of little E for a whole week last year when my husband and I had a wedding to attend in Mexico. In short... he knows her well and I trust her with my life (and obviously his as well).

So, this week, when E's buddy wanted to have E over for a sleepover I was nervous. I wasn't nervous about his safety or well being, I was just nervous that he would be okay without me. He's not good with change, he can be super-duper shy and in general, he's a bit of a high stress kid. I fully expected to get a call at 10:30 that night with him crying in the background begging for me to come and get him and bring him home. But guess what.... IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!! I didn't get the call. In fact, I got emails from his buddy's mom telling me how awesome he was doing and how he hadn't even mentioned home once!!!!

I went to bed that night feeling mixed emotions. I was so happy that he was okay, but I was a tad sad that he didn't seem to need me any more!!!! I got up the next morning to an email telling me he had slept all night and was in a great mood. Again, mixed emotions came over me. I want him to always need me and always want to be with me!

So... the real point here?

The problem with kids, the way I see it... is that they grow up! And I don't like this one bit.