This past week my tiny little peanut began his transition from baby to grown up by moving into the kindergarten room of his daycare. Suddenly he has to line up with all of the big kids to go outside, he has a "quiet time" instead of a nap and he no longer is bringing his favourite blankie with him each day. All this change in a matter of a couple of days. When I left him on Tuesday morning, I started to cry. There he was in the lineup and he was by far the smallest little one there. It lead me to wonder if this big change is coming way too soon. Is he ready for all of this? Am I?
And this is just the beginning... Over the course of the next 2 weeks, he and I will be integrated into the public school system. We start with our "meet the teacher" interview this Wednesday morning. I anticipate that this will be a half hour session where I will grill the teacher about the safety and general well being of my most precious possession. Mrs. Archdeacon has not seen the likes of this psycho mama!!!! I want to know everything... I want to know who will meet his school bus and get him to his classroom, I want to know if anyone will comfort my sensitive little man if he's sad or finding the transition difficult, I especially want to know if I can volunteer in his class just so I can make sure he's not being bullied or pushed around by some massive SK'er... And that's just the start... I fully anticipate that I may be "one of those mums" who gets talked about in the staff room!!!!
Once the interview is complete, we will have our first day of JK on the following Monday. This is when the water works will be in full operation I'm sure! This will be his first trip to school on the big yellow bus! He's so excited about it... I am petrified. I will definitely be following the bus on that first day, and maybe the second too and who knows how long after that! I just can't help but think of the chaos that will greet him once that bus gets to the school. I am overcome with emotion when I think of how scary and overwhelming that might be for him.
I ask all of you veteran mamas out there... am I normal? Is it normal to want to follow the school bus each day until he's 14? Is it normal to want to be there every day just to make sure he's okay without me? Why am I so worried? I mean he's been in daycare full time since he was 13 months old. Why am I now freaking out about him not being under my watch 24 hours a day? Perhaps it's because I know how independent he has to be now that's going to "big boy school" and I'm worried he's not up for the challenge. But why would I think that? He's proven to me time and time again that he's a smart little cookie and can handle almost everything life throws his way. I guess maybe it's just that I know that once he enters the walls of Brigadoon Public, he's not really my baby any more and I'm not really ready to deal with that quite yet!
So, I'll close today by just asking all of my friends, colleagues, mamas around me, family and anyone else who happens to encounter me over the next few weeks... Be kind to me. Offer me a tissue if you catch me getting teary. And don't worry, I'm sure by the time we enter Grade 2, I'll be back to normal!!!
Karmy, it's Michou. I have just sat down to (finally) read all the posts on your blog, and I am BAWLING into my coffee! I (a) sympathize with you enormously, and (b) thank you for your courage as a friend and mom to Evan, to write such an honest blog. I want to comment on everything you've written, but first about Evan's transition to school and your feelings about it:
ReplyDeleteI remember (like it was yesterday, but it was already 3 years ago) when Gabriella got on the big yellow bus for the first time. I was not crying, but Warner was. I was resolved to be strong, no tears! We did (in 2 separate cars) follow the bus to school. When we arrived, our little 3 & a half year old daughter looked at us in bewilderment and said "what are you guys doing here?". I couldn't help but burst out laughing! I realized in that moment how independent a 3.5 year old really feels, and how we do have throw them out there in the big wide world (as our moms did) and have some faith that all will be OK. So what I'm saying is, of course Evan will adjust and be just fine - it's YOUR feelings you have to worry more about than his. To him, this is a big fun adventure. Yes, as moms, deep down we are terrified, but here's my best advice: NEVER SHOW IT. Instill that confidence. And repeat over and over to your son the words our own mothers said to us: "GO FOR IT KIDDO!"