So, I have this friend (I'll call her KK for short)... I think she's a great mom. But yesterday she emailed me and was very upset. It seems her 8 year old had just discovered packaging for a gift that was supposed to be from Santa. He started questioning her and in her haste to get out the door in the morning, she couldn't come up with a viable reason for why it was in her closet. The cat was out of the bag! She was feeling guilty for not being able to keep the magic alive for a while longer. I think she was also feeling bad because she was scheduled to work late last night and wouldn't be able to go home and have a good old heart to heart with her son to make sure he was okay with the news! She was also concerned about her 8 year old spoiling things for her 5 year old. She was not feeling like a good mom.
But... let me tell you... this is the same friend who schemed and planned for months and months to surprise her 2 boys with a trip to Disney for Christmas. In the weeks leading up to their trip, she was giddy as a school girl. She couldn't contain her excitement. And it wasn't excitement about the trip itself, it was excitement over how the boys would react to the news that they were going on their first trip to Disney (including a Disney cruise!). To me, this is the sign of a good mom.
I started thinking about this last night and wondering why we moms are all so hard on ourselves and why we don't take our own advice. When my little man is upset about not being able to do something perfectly, I talk to him about not being so hard on himself. I say things like "Just try your best. That's what matters!" Why do we not realize this is the same for us? As mothers all we can do is try our best for our kids. Things won't be perfect all the time and that's fine. We need to realize this and not get down on ourselves when things don't go as planned or when we don't have all the answers. We need to listen to our friends who tell us we're amazing and we need to believe them. I'm not big on New Year's resolutions, but this one seems like an okay one to strive for!
That's my pep talk for today!
PS... I'm sharing the Halloween pic because for me, that's just a little example of me being a good mom... You see, I'm really not big into dressing up for Halloween but it made Evan happy to see me as a cat!
You are so totally on the money on this one. I beat myself up CONSTANTLY. For the first time ever, someone (a guest!) actually called me Martha Stewart (me, Karma, ME!?!), my hubby said I was a perfectionist (him, Karma, HIM!!!) and a friend of mind accused me of being "too competent".... yet I think I am a constant mess!
ReplyDeleteAnd then last night I fretted about how little N is forgetting all the special close time we spent together when she was little and I was always so gentle and understanding but how all she would remember is how all I seem to be doing is frowning and telling her off and blah blah blah.... when everyone always tells me I am a great mom!
So why do I do it? Why do I ALWAYS beat myself up?
And... admit the guilt... why do we DARE find ourselves secretly (or openly) judging other moms? *gasp!*
We aren't perfect. But like we tell our kids (as you so rightly mention), do we have to be?
Love ya, Karmy!
Corina
xo
PS: I always knew you would be a great mom.